HOME - Blog - Anna David: The Swinging Set
Posted: Mar 10, 2011 - 5:26am by Playboy TV
Filed Under: Swing
I’d been hired to host a show for the Playboy network about swingers.
And I was nervous.
Sure, I’d talked about sex often enough on television to have figured out exactly how to describe oral sex while still making it past censors (tip: say “down there” and do a lot of hand gesturing). Yes, I’d been in Playboy – not naked but scantily clad (if a g-string can count as clad). It’s true that I’d hosted a radio show where I regularly interviewed guests about the ménage a trois they’d had the night before or the furry costumes they liked to wear in bed, and have written articles about women who pretend they’re being raped and gay men who come out only to realize they’re in fact straight. In my work life, I’d explored a lot of sexuality.
But shooting a television show where I’d be among a bunch of couples swinging? This would be a different story. My actual knowledge of swinging before I started the job was limited to witnessing the key party in The Ice Storm and a few images I hoped I’d one day forget but were still burned into my psyche from when I was flipping channels and paused too long on HBO’s Real Sex.
I expected to encounter semi-terrifying stripper types who would cause me to scuttle back to my hotel each night and wash my hands with scalding hot water in order to cleanse myself. As a periodically judgmental sober addict, I predicted I would be witnessing a nightly bacchanalia of sex, drinking and drugs. And as a person who’s advised many people with a variety of sexual issues, I assumed I’d be exposed to a group of sex addicts and some of the most twisted and dysfunctional relationships I’d ever seen. Even more alarmingly, I was concerned that this experience would prove that I wasn’t worth my salt as a sex expert. I didn’t know how I’d respond to swingers in the flesh. Would they try to hit on me? Would I like it? And dear God, what would happen if the answer to the second was yes? The answers, as it turned out, are: yes, yes, and the jury’s still out.
***
“I’ve heard we can pick anyone we want,” the brunette with zero body fat smiled at me. “Meaning anyone from the crew,” she added. Then, just to make herself perfectly clear, she said, “even the host.”
“Who said that?” I asked, woefully taken off guard. We were on the third day of the shoot and I’d come to discover that I’d walked into the best job of my life: the swingers were among the friendliest and sweetest people I’d ever met and I instantly loved most of the people on the crew. But I hadn’t had a lot of one-on-one time with anyone until that moment.
I knew she couldn’t be telling me the truth – my contract had actually stated rather clearly that jumping into the fray simply wasn’t an option for me – but I have this unfortunate quality of thinking people must know what they’re talking about if they’re speaking authoritatively.
“That’s just what I heard,” she said. Was she smirking at me? I couldn’t quite tell.
“Actually, it’s in my contract that I can’t do anything like that,” I said, feeling as sexually uncool as I ever had. I realized then that I had my mic on and wondered if the sound guy, John, had just heard this interaction. I hurriedly finished my conversation with my would-be lover, finding it impossible to meet her eyes.
Now, as an able-bodied woman who talks publicly about sex, I’ve obviously been hit on before in a work environment. And I’ve been hit on by women. I’ve even – pardon me, Katy Perry – kissed a girl, and also had sexual fantasies about women often enough for me to wonder if perhaps there’s a little more bi to my sexuality than I’ve ever been willing to admit. But at the same time, I really do believe I’m just truly, boringly straight. I love men – a little too much at times. And back before I got sober, when I used to ingest enough alcohol and cocaine to make taking off my shirt at social gatherings a semi-regular party trick (I’ve long thanked my lucky stars that Facebook wasn’t around until I’d been clean for several years), I’d had many opportunities to hook up with women and never did. Without Kinsey around to administer a test and tell me where I lie on his sexual preference scale, I would have to assume this means I’m as straight as they come.
So then, why was I squirming in front of this undeniably pretty girl? One of the resident swingers, a garrulous guy who wears his sexuality proudly, always greets me with either a brazen come-on or blatant sexual innuendo, and it doesn’t impact me in the slightest.
Perhaps I don’t want to admit to myself how arousing I find this entire situation.
***
The first boy I ever kissed was tall, blond and lived in the city. (For the uninitiated, “the city” can in fact refer to a place other than Manhattan; I grew up in a suburb in Northern California so “the city” always meant San Francisco.) His name was Max and, to my 13-year-old self, unspeakably glamorous. For one, there was the urban, not suburban factor. Plus, he was tall. I was pretty easy to impress once upon a time.
I don’t recall the exact sequence of events because this also happened to be the first night I drank. But I do know that at some point in the evening, Max and I found ourselves in a bedroom while our mutual friends partied in the living room. We were soon joined by one of my friends, who happened to be making out with one of his. They stayed on the floor and the two of us mostly ignored the two of them. Then Max wanted to go get another drink and Tanya, my friend on the floor, decided she was hungry and wanted Cool Ranch Doritos. With both of them gone, can you guess what happened? The guy on the floor came up to the bed, where we then made out.
My first night of drinking and already I was swinging.
If those things that happen in our formative years make an imprint on our future sexuality – and I know they do – does this incident, something I never think about and in fact only now remembered as I was writing this, mean that I’m simply destined to be aroused by swinging? And is that why I found myself unable to look the tall, skinny, sometime model who’d made it clear she was interested in me in the eye?
***
Of course, what I experienced my freshman year in high school was hardly swinging and, compared to the swingers in the house, I’m as vanilla as vanilla gets. And of course I never hooked up with the girl who made the blatant pass at me or anyone else when I was in the Swing house. But perhaps what ended up happening is even more significant.
During the month-long shoot, I met smart, thoughtful and successful couples that had stronger relationships than many that I observe among the non-swinging set. The fact that they’d chosen to have sex with other people in front of their spouses seemed to force them to be honest and clear about their feelings in a way that few vanilla couples I’ve encountered are. There was no room for petty jealousy, for passive aggression, for nitpicking. There was only: I want her. Do you want her? You do? Oh, good. And that judgmental sober addict that dwells inside of me simply had nothing to do since almost none of these people seemed interested in drinking, let alone drugging. By the end of the shoot, I was fairly convinced, in fact, that they were onto something that a far larger segment of the population could benefit from.
When I returned home from the experience, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to try swinging. Truly. My last few days on set, I’d seen enough of the footage of what went on in the swing house at night (since I only worked during the days) to be turned on. And one of the swingers from the house had told me the story of how she and her husband got into the lifestyle: by accepting an invitation to a swingers party, knowing that they wouldn’t be into it, only to find themselves joining in on the action and becoming more aroused than they ever had before. Overnight, they transformed from a religious soccer mom and her straight-laced businessman husband into a couple of wild swingers throwing parties on the Russian River. If it could happen to them, couldn’t it happen to anyone?
I still didn’t know if I’d want to hook up with a woman – I pretty much figure that if I haven’t done it by now, I probably won’t – but the notion of seeing and being seen while engaged in something sexual around other people had grown increasingly exciting to me.
My boyfriend was a bit horrified.
Yet I knew that my feelings for him had faded, that I wasn’t feeling attracted to him anymore, and that my suggestion had mostly been a last grasp at being able to hold onto the appealing elements of what we had while still finding sexual satisfaction. I’d learned enough from my exposure to the swingers – seen enough relationships between two people who were clearly meant to be together, who’d found partners that met their needs and shared their desires in most every way – to know that he wasn’t right for me. The swingers, in other words, had saved me from staying in something that wasn’t working.
And I’m not under that contract anymore either.
For more first-person sex essays from Anna David, you can purchase her ebook, Sex with Anna David, here.
Filed Under: Swing
I’d been hired to host a show for the Playboy network about swingers. And I was nervous.
Sure, I’d talked about sex often enough on television to have figured out exactly how to describe oral sex while still making it past censors (tip: say “down there” and do a lot of hand gesturing). Yes, I’d been in Playboy – not naked but scantily clad (if a g-string can count as clad). It’s true that I’d hosted a radio show where I regularly interviewed guests about the ménage a trois they’d had the night before or the furry costumes they liked to wear in bed, and have written articles about women who pretend they’re being raped and gay men who come out only to realize they’re in fact straight. In my work life, I’d explored a lot of sexuality.
But shooting a television show where I’d be among a bunch of couples swinging? This would be a different story. My actual knowledge of swinging before I started the job was limited to witnessing the key party in The Ice Storm and a few images I hoped I’d one day forget but were still burned into my psyche from when I was flipping channels and paused too long on HBO’s Real Sex.
I expected to encounter semi-terrifying stripper types who would cause me to scuttle back to my hotel each night and wash my hands with scalding hot water in order to cleanse myself. As a periodically judgmental sober addict, I predicted I would be witnessing a nightly bacchanalia of sex, drinking and drugs. And as a person who’s advised many people with a variety of sexual issues, I assumed I’d be exposed to a group of sex addicts and some of the most twisted and dysfunctional relationships I’d ever seen. Even more alarmingly, I was concerned that this experience would prove that I wasn’t worth my salt as a sex expert. I didn’t know how I’d respond to swingers in the flesh. Would they try to hit on me? Would I like it? And dear God, what would happen if the answer to the second was yes? The answers, as it turned out, are: yes, yes, and the jury’s still out.
***
“I’ve heard we can pick anyone we want,” the brunette with zero body fat smiled at me. “Meaning anyone from the crew,” she added. Then, just to make herself perfectly clear, she said, “even the host.”
“Who said that?” I asked, woefully taken off guard. We were on the third day of the shoot and I’d come to discover that I’d walked into the best job of my life: the swingers were among the friendliest and sweetest people I’d ever met and I instantly loved most of the people on the crew. But I hadn’t had a lot of one-on-one time with anyone until that moment.
I knew she couldn’t be telling me the truth – my contract had actually stated rather clearly that jumping into the fray simply wasn’t an option for me – but I have this unfortunate quality of thinking people must know what they’re talking about if they’re speaking authoritatively.
“That’s just what I heard,” she said. Was she smirking at me? I couldn’t quite tell.
“Actually, it’s in my contract that I can’t do anything like that,” I said, feeling as sexually uncool as I ever had. I realized then that I had my mic on and wondered if the sound guy, John, had just heard this interaction. I hurriedly finished my conversation with my would-be lover, finding it impossible to meet her eyes.
Now, as an able-bodied woman who talks publicly about sex, I’ve obviously been hit on before in a work environment. And I’ve been hit on by women. I’ve even – pardon me, Katy Perry – kissed a girl, and also had sexual fantasies about women often enough for me to wonder if perhaps there’s a little more bi to my sexuality than I’ve ever been willing to admit. But at the same time, I really do believe I’m just truly, boringly straight. I love men – a little too much at times. And back before I got sober, when I used to ingest enough alcohol and cocaine to make taking off my shirt at social gatherings a semi-regular party trick (I’ve long thanked my lucky stars that Facebook wasn’t around until I’d been clean for several years), I’d had many opportunities to hook up with women and never did. Without Kinsey around to administer a test and tell me where I lie on his sexual preference scale, I would have to assume this means I’m as straight as they come.
So then, why was I squirming in front of this undeniably pretty girl? One of the resident swingers, a garrulous guy who wears his sexuality proudly, always greets me with either a brazen come-on or blatant sexual innuendo, and it doesn’t impact me in the slightest.
Perhaps I don’t want to admit to myself how arousing I find this entire situation.
***
The first boy I ever kissed was tall, blond and lived in the city. (For the uninitiated, “the city” can in fact refer to a place other than Manhattan; I grew up in a suburb in Northern California so “the city” always meant San Francisco.) His name was Max and, to my 13-year-old self, unspeakably glamorous. For one, there was the urban, not suburban factor. Plus, he was tall. I was pretty easy to impress once upon a time.
I don’t recall the exact sequence of events because this also happened to be the first night I drank. But I do know that at some point in the evening, Max and I found ourselves in a bedroom while our mutual friends partied in the living room. We were soon joined by one of my friends, who happened to be making out with one of his. They stayed on the floor and the two of us mostly ignored the two of them. Then Max wanted to go get another drink and Tanya, my friend on the floor, decided she was hungry and wanted Cool Ranch Doritos. With both of them gone, can you guess what happened? The guy on the floor came up to the bed, where we then made out.
My first night of drinking and already I was swinging.
If those things that happen in our formative years make an imprint on our future sexuality – and I know they do – does this incident, something I never think about and in fact only now remembered as I was writing this, mean that I’m simply destined to be aroused by swinging? And is that why I found myself unable to look the tall, skinny, sometime model who’d made it clear she was interested in me in the eye?
***
Of course, what I experienced my freshman year in high school was hardly swinging and, compared to the swingers in the house, I’m as vanilla as vanilla gets. And of course I never hooked up with the girl who made the blatant pass at me or anyone else when I was in the Swing house. But perhaps what ended up happening is even more significant.
During the month-long shoot, I met smart, thoughtful and successful couples that had stronger relationships than many that I observe among the non-swinging set. The fact that they’d chosen to have sex with other people in front of their spouses seemed to force them to be honest and clear about their feelings in a way that few vanilla couples I’ve encountered are. There was no room for petty jealousy, for passive aggression, for nitpicking. There was only: I want her. Do you want her? You do? Oh, good. And that judgmental sober addict that dwells inside of me simply had nothing to do since almost none of these people seemed interested in drinking, let alone drugging. By the end of the shoot, I was fairly convinced, in fact, that they were onto something that a far larger segment of the population could benefit from.
When I returned home from the experience, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to try swinging. Truly. My last few days on set, I’d seen enough of the footage of what went on in the swing house at night (since I only worked during the days) to be turned on. And one of the swingers from the house had told me the story of how she and her husband got into the lifestyle: by accepting an invitation to a swingers party, knowing that they wouldn’t be into it, only to find themselves joining in on the action and becoming more aroused than they ever had before. Overnight, they transformed from a religious soccer mom and her straight-laced businessman husband into a couple of wild swingers throwing parties on the Russian River. If it could happen to them, couldn’t it happen to anyone?
I still didn’t know if I’d want to hook up with a woman – I pretty much figure that if I haven’t done it by now, I probably won’t – but the notion of seeing and being seen while engaged in something sexual around other people had grown increasingly exciting to me.
My boyfriend was a bit horrified.
Yet I knew that my feelings for him had faded, that I wasn’t feeling attracted to him anymore, and that my suggestion had mostly been a last grasp at being able to hold onto the appealing elements of what we had while still finding sexual satisfaction. I’d learned enough from my exposure to the swingers – seen enough relationships between two people who were clearly meant to be together, who’d found partners that met their needs and shared their desires in most every way – to know that he wasn’t right for me. The swingers, in other words, had saved me from staying in something that wasn’t working.
And I’m not under that contract anymore either.
For more first-person sex essays from Anna David, you can purchase her ebook, Sex with Anna David, here.
Add your comment:
1.
"Swingers69", seems you posted everywhere< haha. Thank you for posting the information about our radio show, Holli and I truly appreciate your kind words and support. However, please don't speak for us/on our behalf because we don't know who you are. I'm sure you're great people however I'm confident you are not affiliated with our radio show nor, to the best of our knowledge, the TV show SWING. Again, there are a lot of haters out there and we appreciate your kind words. I did read some unflattering comments you made about 2 people we like and were on the show with, please discontinue that type of commenting. We encourage everyone to watch the final 4 episodes of SWING on Playboy TV and listen in to our show Friday mornings at 10am pacific standard time/1pm eastern standard time.
Posted at 00:39 AM on Mar 23, 2011 by holliandmichael
2.
Playboy radio, Sirius XM 99, 10am (pst) now instead of 11am, every Friday Holli and Michael will be hosting, "Swingtime with Holli and Michael". We'll have new guests each week consisting of swinger couples, newbie couples and unicorns. We'll also be previewing this weeks episode of SWING on Playboy TV Friday nights at 10pm with resident couples and "newbie" couples from the TV show calling in. The 1st show last week was a hit, listen in and see what juicy topics will be discussed this week. It's the only show on the radio about Swingers, by Swingers and for EVERYONE! Our weekly "party" is unique because just like the Swinger lifestyle, you are ALL invited to join.
Posted at 00:25 AM on Mar 23, 2011 by swingers69
3.
Playboy radio, Sirius XM 99, 10am (pst), every Friday Holli and Michael will be hosting, "Swingtime with Holli and Michael". We'll have new guests each week consisting of swinger couples, newbie couples and unicorns. The 1st show last week was a hit, listen in and see what will be discussed this week. It's the only show on the radio about Swingers, by Swingers and for EVERYONE! Our weekly "party" is unique because just like the Swinger lifestyle, you are ALL invited to join.
Posted at 00:20 AM on Mar 23, 2011 by swingers69
4.
Cool who are the swingers on the radio show?
Posted at 21:17 PM on Mar 22, 2011 by luv2swing
5.
Tune into Playboy radio, SIRIUS/XM channel 99, Holli and I will be broadcasting "Swingtime" live every Friday morning starting at 11am, March 18th. Tune in to hear real life stories, fantasies lived out, "unicorns" speak out, suggestions on "do's and don'ts", where the lifestyle clubs are in your region of the country as well as a lot more about the lifestyle. It's the only show on radio by swingers, about swingers yet for everyone. The unique thing about this "party", as well as the swinger lifestyle, is you are ALL invited to join.
Posted at 00:55 AM on Mar 16, 2011 by holliandMichael
6.
Tell all of your friends about this season, have them order Playboy and watch SWING in order to help get a Season 2. Then stay tuned for information on a Season 2 and plan to apply. As a resident couple, we can say it was incredible to assist and watch the journey taken by each "newbie" couple. It's an amazing experience you will never forget and you're allowing the viewers a look into our lifestyle that helps educate people about who and what we are.
Also, on Playboy radio, SIRIUS/XM channel 99, Holli and I will be broadcasting "Swingtime" live every Friday morning starting at 11am, March 18th. Tune in to hear real life stories, fantasies lived out, "unicorns" speak out, suggestions on "do's and don'ts" as well as a lot more about the lifestyle. It's the only show on radio by swingers, about swingers yet for everyone. The unique thing about this "party", as well as the swinger lifestyle, is you are ALL invited.
Posted at 00:50 AM on Mar 16, 2011 by holliandMichael
7.
How would me and my wife become newbies on hte show
Posted at 17:28 PM on Mar 14, 2011 by cpirtle28
8.
Go to vegas Anna! Kris and I will drive down and have a grand ol cast reunion!! On a serious note, we love hearing the about your side of things and have a fresh perspective especially from someone who can articulate things so well!
Posted at 22:02 PM on Mar 12, 2011 by cnkiss
9.
Only a man would classify us as girls. Kasidie, you boy, get a life and learn to respect women. As females, we are proud women and not girls. Girls shouldn't be watching Playboy or coming to vegas to be with a meghan...woman should or can. Nice to hear Anna David's "story" but is she for real or just promoting a new book?
Posted at 15:25 PM on Mar 12, 2011 by swingers69
10.
What a wonderful write-up of your own journey at the Swing house, thanks so much for sharing. Hopefully Playboy will make a similar impression on couples and girls who watch the series. And if you ever want to explore the swinging world further, come out to Vegas and we're sure Meghan would love to show you the ropes ;)
Posted at 13:58 PM on Mar 11, 2011 by Kasidie
11.
So Anna, come back out to Cali and let us take you to a party. An exclusive, by invitation only party where we promise you....you will feel like a kid in a candy store. We enjoyed our time on set with you...now come back and let us show y ou more. =)
Posted at 01:41 AM on Mar 11, 2011 by holliandMichael
12.
Anna David, you are simply awesome! I loved reading this blog,
You are a beautiful person with an amazing writing style!
I love it and I love watching the show! Swing is awesome!
Posted at 17:29 PM on Mar 10, 2011 by anthony0358
